Today is a good day.

Today I woke up without a phone, it was dead. It felt nice. I just got up at my own time, no notifications, no pestering, no people, no blue light, nothing telling me what time it is and where i am and no internal voice stating that i HAVE to be up at a certain time. I just am. I just awoke, to my roomates cat, however I pleased. It felt really nice. It felt really really nice. Sometimes I repeat myself in order to emphasize a point, like if I say it a second time then the person hearing/recieving the message will FEEL it in their soul, that if I say it again they will feel it within their very being. Of course, this isn't true, but maybe saying it a second time could help! Who knows.

Currently Listening to my dead girlfriend - hades. it feels really nice. i feel alive.

In contrast to the last statement of my angel page, "I just want to feel alive again". . . I think I have made it a little. Or at least, in this moment, I feel alive. I am able to spend my free time as I please, no internal voice nagging at me. I feel good. I wonder how that voice was silenced.

Living life for myself feels good. Allowing myself to be in the moment instead of filling up all of my potential free time with external activities feels good. It feels good to just take a break. Even so, my friend is coming over today. I am a little excited. We will see how it goes!

Today I have:

  • sorted through junk piles
  • re-arranged said junk box
  • written in my diary (x2)
  • watched true crime JCS documentary
  • listened to music
  • allow myself the space to think
  • rested
  • phone break
  • cuddle with pinto
  • eaten
  • feel good and note how good i feel :>)
  • I think this is the natural ending of this blog, but thank you for listening! i don't want to JUST expell my negative emotions on here. I am excited to see what is going on in my little meatbrain the 31st, and we will see! all in due time. at first, i was scared to be diagnosed with something "bad", but there are no bad diagnosis. i am back to taking my medication regularly after a blip, but now i am back! the medicine is probably not fit for me, but we will see that as well in due time! i am so excited to see what is going on in this silly little mind of mine.

    Written 03/16/22