Today is pretty good. Yesterday I was hanging out with a friend I hadn't seen in almost two years, and surprisingly, I wasn't riddled with anxiety over meeting him in person after so long. A thought did flash my mind of, "oh my god what if it's as awkward as it was with ___ [another friend]?", but it was fleeting and I didn't really care. The other friend, we didn't talk that much and had almost nothing in common other than vague interests. Talking online was a chore, almost, like I had to make myself think of things to say rather than them flowing naturally. With the other guy it wasn't so much of that. Anyways, we (he) played some Dragon Age, which seems to be a fun game! It reminds me of the 3D, lore inclusive, terraria. When you're a mage you have mana and the health, just seems like a similar construct. I liked when there was this .. (I don't know the name) spell, and it made people blow up :>) Had really cheesy blood animation flying everywhere, really entertaining. After a little bit of that we played minecraft yeahhh B) I am not very good at being adventerous because the caves scared me, but I tried ! He also tried, but he kept dying ....... awkward. Anyways, we were playing on Xbox 360 version, so there were no super creepy cave updates or anything like that. Super fun and nostalgic ! The thing about my controller was that the left joystick was broken, so I had to just move the stick around without any thumbpad and now my thumb is a little sore. Other than that, I have no complaints at all, it was a fun time. Not even a complaint, it got weighed out by everything else.

Another friend invited me to go boating (something I have literally never done in my life. It's either because I live in the Midwest or because I have simply been too poor to own one/haven't been exposed to those who have), but I couldn't go because I had already had plans (the previous paragraph), but I don't think I regret not skipping out in order to go boating. I think I would've felt guilty if I did that instead, I don't think it's right to just ditch someone for something else last minute. Literally last minute LOL. But for a few days recently (not consecutively, just added up to be a few days) we have hung out ! I think first we just went driving from 10pm-5am (cruising + music = awesome), and then next went to a drive in theater and saw the newer avenger time guy movie and also some of the fantastic beasts 3... fantastic beasts was really boring/nonsensical so we just left. Had to get my battery jumped or whatever you call it, so I am glad that they offer those services !! I was almost scared because my car wouldn't start, but I didn't have any other option so I was just surprisingly not scared enough. But it all worked out so I guess it was fine ! Only minorly embarassing, it was fiine. Then we went driving more, HAHA, I feel like I should've let him drive more than he did since he won't be able to do it much longer ... oh well I guess..? Not much I can do about it now. In hindsight he kept asking/dropping hints but um o_o oh well i guess......... He kept lifting himself in my car, it wasn't insane but it was so interesting like idk what else to say about it, it's just so amusing. We also listened to nostalgic music so I guess that was a change in pace B) Ususally it's like rock or some alternative-adjacent genre idk. I like being able to listen to that type of thing with other people and not feel weird for it. I like hanging out with him, I keep giving him dried flowers LMFAO I don't really know why. I make them just to use for later, just to have them, but I think giving them as tiny little tokens of whatever is really sweet, idk ! So I keep doing it lolol. I fucking love pressed flowers, they're so cute. I always like finding new cute flowers to press. I also like giving people I like tiny little gifts B) it's a fun thing. My enemies can get the gift of deez nuts I guess idk. But yeah, I really like hanging out with him so I keep doing that as well, LOL. I won't be able to do it anymore since he's leaving for ... I don't know exactly what process of joining the military, but one of them is happening the 17th. Broken heart emoji! But idk, it's a little sad but it's also cool because it's what he wants to do, you know what I mean? Not much else to say on it.

Inbetween this and the last update, a lot has happened! Lots of personal family shit, well not lots, but small things that are really heavy. I also pierced my eyebrow. In my dream last night my eyebrow piercing was rejecting and it was just halfway out of my skin, like I could see the bar because it was so close to being outside of it. I think that was in 3rd person, I just saw the image of it being super large and almost coming out of it. I do hope it doesn't reject, if it did I would probably be mad because it took a lot of guts to get the needle through my skin.. I think it was dull, LOL. But I did it ! And now I have a bitchin piercing B) Pro Tip: Just use those prong/scissors to get it done, doing it without is a lot harder. I mean I didn't have that on hand, but yeah. There was surpisingly a lack of blood, maybe it is because I am pretty dehydrated. Speaking of, I keep doing 25 pushups and 25-60 jumping jacks a day, and yesterday I didn't really do them because I was scared of passing out. Accidentally did not eat.. not the most proud. I just don't really like the food options we have right now, I guess. I think once I get paid next I'll go grocery shopping.

I guess I keep typing on here instead of using my physical diary because.. it's easier? With my hands, they get cramped if I write for too long, too tense, etc. but the only real threat of typing on a computer is carpal tunnel. I also really like the clacking noises as I type, and being able to see my thoughts form sentences as I just go with the flow. (You can get that with physical writing, but it just feels more magical on a computer). Plus, gushing about other people that may or may not be able to see it is what keeps the heart warm. I like the thought, anyways. But, for a real note, I do want to try and stop sobbing my thoughts on here. I want to keep personal things personal, it's really embarassing to want to share my website, my flesh and blood, and have people being able to read my intensive traumas o_o.... so now I am breaking away from using this site as a way to process my emotions ! I want to be able to do that on my own, and even if this is on my own, it's still preformative. It isn't truly alone. Soo yeah ! That's about it.

05/15/22