I feel okay, I guess. I have decided not to get back with my ex after all because I don't feel it would turn out good. I don't think either of us are at stable points in our lives. They were really loving, kind. I just feel like if I have so so much doubt plaguing (?) me, then I shouldn't do it. In a moment of frenzy I tried to talk them into why I felt we should be together, but I later told them I don't think I'm sound enough for that right now, Maybe right person wrong time? Wrong person wrong time? I don't know.
Apparently I have had delusions for a good chunk of my life. I didn't think they were delusions. I didn't think it was that bad. Had lots of judgements about myself for it and felt paranoid and frantic, but then I did a Model of Emotions (highly recommend) and I'm going to talk about it with my therapist. Just because I have just realized things were different than they seemed in the past/present, doesn't mean I can't still worship DBT like gospel and try to be the best I can. I