I think I like being sober now.
It's a little scary.
It's far beyond what I felt a month ago,
Writhing in agony, looking for just one more escape
Just one more
Just this once
It'll be different, if you just
Cave in.
I still have to wrangle my impulses and urges
But it feels easier now.
I have to remind myself that relapse will make it harder for next time.
It was a beast within me, screaming at me, as I cowered in a corner, feeling powerless
It made me feel strong, to be able to take so much, to be able to do things that others refused
But it feels easier now.
I'm taking steps towards a life that I like
New job, new furniture, less social media, less constant escape.
Eliminating the near-constant, smaller, escapism makes the larger one easier to avoid.
It feels good.
In this moment,
I feel good.